11.24.2016

November - 11月

11月は、父をよく思い出す月です。

父の誕生日が11月9日。私の誕生日が11月20日。
2年前、父が癌だとわかった時、11月に日本に帰ることにしました。できる限り直接会いたかったから。そのあと何度会うことができるのかわからなかったから。
11月20日に日本に着き、一日目から、近所の「とよばら」「みはらし」そば屋、よく色んなところに一緒に行きました。なんだ、元気なんじゃないかとちょっと安心した矢先の24日、父は突然帰らぬ人となってしまいました。癌でなくて心筋梗塞で。だれも予想だにしない別れでした。

2年経って、もう2年も経つのかと思う気持ちと、まだ2年だけなのか、もう何年もお父さんと話してないとも思ったり。不思議な気分です。

一生こんな感じで11月を過ごすんだろうな。

話せなくて寂しいな、今、お父さんがここにいて、子供たちと一緒に話して、笑い声を聞きたいなと思う。 また会いたいなと思う。

誕生日当日、ちょっと今年は、気分が沈んでいました。お父さんのこともあったし、大統領選挙のこともあったし、ブリ豚の仕事のこと(また12月末でMSのコントラクトが無くなることが言い渡されて…これで3回目...)、私の仕事が忙しくて疲れていたこともあったからかな。なんだか楽しく過ごせる気分では全然なかったのです。前の日は喜音も奏大もお友達の家にお泊り会、当日も喜音は友達と遊びたいと言って連れてきたり、日曜日だったのもあって、掃除、次の週のごはんづくりと、なんだか普通の週末になってしまったのもちょっと悲しかったり。いつもは誕生日の人がレストランを決めて外食するのだけど、それもそんな気分になれませんでした。こんな年かなーとあきらめてたけど、今週になっていろんなことがいい方向に動き始めた。ブリ豚の仕事も希望が見えてきたことは大きいな。正直、またどうなっちゃうんだろうと心配してたから。
それと同時に、私の仕事もちょっと落ち着いたり、頑張っていることが認められたこと、あとは、国民の休日がかなり少ないアメリカでのやっとの連休、Thanksgiving Holiday 休暇に入って、身体的、精神的にちょっと余裕ができたこともあるんだと思います。今やっと、誕生日に沢山の人から素敵なメッセージをもらった事、喜音からのすてきなメッセージをもらった事、かなたが、(多分、自分のほしいものだけど…)このところ毎日、ママのプレゼントはこれがいいと思うってブリ豚と喜音と相談してること、ブリ豚がPortlandの旅行を計画してくれていること、とってもいい誕生日(月)だなーっと改めて感じています。

今年も素敵に年をとれました。ありがとう、みなさん。そしてありがとう、ブリ豚、喜音、奏大。
今はとってもPortland 旅行が楽しみ♪

When my dad came visit us in Seattle the last time. It was so much fun. I love you, Dad. I miss you so much..お父さんがシアトルに最後に遊びに来てくれた時。楽しかったなー


November is the month I remember my dad a lot. That's because his birthday is November 9th,  he passed away on November 24th, 2014. We went to visit Japan to see my dad in November 2 years ago. We went to many favorite places together in the 4 days before he passed away more than we did in the past.
It's been already 2 years since he was gone, on the other hand, I feel like it's been only 2 years? I feel that I haven't talked to him for ages. In November every year, I miss him more than any other month, I guess. I wish he was here and listened to my stories and the kids' stories and smiled. I still feel weird that he is not here anymore.The 4days were miracles that we spent together in Japan before we lost him so suddenly and unexpectedly. Not sure if he was waiting for us before he had to go but the days we were together were so special to me and my kids. I miss him a lot. I miss him so much....

My birthday is also in November. I didn't feel pretty good on my birthday. That may be because I was thinking about my dad and missed him. That may be because the presidential election, Brittain's job situation (his MS contract got shorter than the original period and he was just told before Thanksgiving.), I had been working a lot of over time lately... Yukine wanted to have a play date with her friend on my birthday. Kanata didn't seem like he cares about my birthday....And it was Sunday, so we needed to finish clean the house, cook next week dinners, laundry, homeworks, piano practices...etc...

I couldn't feel that it was my birthday at all even though Yukine and her friend were making a fruits tart for me, Brit was asking me where I wanted for birthday dinner, and Kanata was thinking about my birthday present...

However, we had a good news for Brit's job and my job in the following week and Thanksgiving Holiday vacation has started. Now I feel relax and rest, so I finally have a room to feel I am thankful for the birthday wishes from many friends and families and I feel many wonderful people care about me and feel being loved. I am very grateful that, especially at this time...Thank you very much, everyone!! I love you!

Anyway, Brit plans my birthday adventure to Portland this weekend. Yukine sent me a warmest birthday wish. Kanata has decided my birthday present, which Brit and Yukine has been questioning if it's for me or actually he just wants to buy for him. lol. I don't know what it is yet. I kinda want Kanata to get it since I am curious and wanna see it. :P

I am, now, very looking forward to my birthday trip to Portland!

ゆきねからの誕生日メッセージ。嬉しかったなー!「Happy birthday mom. You are such an amazing mother better than I would ask for. We have had some really great times like when we went to the u-village every Tuesday and I would get my hair braided, then the people should put glitter in my hair, and we would get hot coco and one time you even did yoga there. You give such sage advise (hard word. Means good advise) and have helpers end so many fights with my friends. You are always there for me. Like with ballet helping me get my splits and for Japanese you are always there to answer my question. Anyways happy birthday mommy. ママ大好き」




Yukine and her friend made a fruits tart on my birthday. I was delicious :)

喜音とお友達がフルーツタルトを作ってくれました。